The Astrology Studio blog

The Astrology Studio blog
Astrological insights and fun explorations

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Saturn square Sun - questioning personal identity

Currently, Saturn at 29 Scorpio is squaring my natal Sun in Aquarius (also at 29 degrees).  This seems to me to be about challenges to the personal sense of value and worth, and an evaluation of whether I'm living the life I should be.

Actually, it feels like everybody of any real consequence in my life hates me, and my life, while not going badly, is a black foggy pit. Questions come up for me like, 'have I really done my life's work that I was born to do?'  (I think not!) 'Do I know anyone who knows my soul?'  (it seems no, and I'm totally bummed about it)

My personal sense of space and ownership is challenged.  I've recently given up my home office so that a friend can stay for a while.  I'm feeling displaced by it.  And my wife had cancer this year, I pared back all of the projects that had my attention so that I could help her through her ordeal.  Now that things have quieted down (she's doing much better), I'm feeling lost and aimless.

I feel like an accessory to my team at work, and like I'm only tolerated.  It's a bummer having to be in a place for so many hours where people avoid me because, what, do I smell or something?  Really, I think it's a political thing, although I've never much understood this.  There are political dynamics going on that I feel challenged and maybe a little threatened by, but I'm hoping that these will blow over and resolve themselves, and that I really won't have to look for another job next year.

These being said, life is not bad - I have a good place to live, my wife, friends, work. So I'm making it, I'm surviving okay.  I guess where I'm squirming is that the 'joie de vivre' is under pressure, and is more like an 'angst de vivre' or a 'sad de vivre'.

The nice thing about astrology is that it's like a clock.  When aspects to our natal chart come and go, it's like the bells ring that certain themes have more prominence in our life.

The orb of a Saturn transit to a natal planet is two degrees.  So Saturn's affect on my Sun ranges from 26 Scorpio 52 till 00 Sagittarius 52.  The Saturn square themes are more powerfully felt within one degree orb.  So for me, the one degree orb timeframe is from Dec 4, 2014 till Dec 22, 2014, with the exact square on Dec 13 and 14.  The two degree orb timeframe is from Nov 26 till Jan 1. These timeframes can be found in an astrological ephemeris.

My personal experience is that I've been feeling the blues since at least late November, although I did have some experiences that were lifting during that time.  I've been really feeling it since the beginning of December, though, which really enlightened me as to the Saturn square effect.  There's nothing like having to keep convincing myself that life is really worth living, to just keep on holding on!

The current square between Saturn and my natal Sun is a waning square, and I've had one other experience of this in my life.  (Saturn goes around the zodiac once every 28 years or so, matching the time of its revolution around the Sun.)  In 1985, I was struggling to survive on my own after spending eight years in active military service.  I chose to remain in California (a default choice due to lack of imagination and planning) and really struggled to make it.  No family, no close friends, and on-again off-again girlfriend, it was a very depressing time for me that seemed all wrong, never-ending, and not very do-able. Basically it was a time of major crisis for me that I slogged through one anguished moment at a time.  Things resolved themselves through new friends and a girlfriend later in the year, and a good-paying job.

So what's the point of having to go through such anguish and difficulty at the Saturn square Sun time?  Well, I can come up with a couple of ideas.

First, it's a time to 'reap what we've sown, to really become sensitive to how things have played out based on our past decisions and on the ways we have denied ourselves true expression and development. Also, though, things that have worked well for us, that we've done right, may go along smoothly with little cause for despair and anguish, and we may actually forget to be aware of the success of what is currently working, and relish it.  Our attention may be too taken up with what doesn't seem to be working.

Second, when we are pressed with sensitivity to life's failures, we can come out on the other side with an unconscious resolve to find remedies in the forms of new behaviors and relationships and activities. In my case, I don't make close friends very easily, and I have moved a lot in my life, which doesn't help.  I sometimes feel the acute loneliness of not having a 'soulmate'.  I find myself remedying that by efforts like this blog, by providing some sort of knowledge service that connects me with others and that provides some apparent value for myself and others.  After my 1985 crisis period, I went to college and excelled in math and science.  So I tutored lots of fellow students in those topics, and allowed myself to find fulfillment in that.  It was fun for me, indeed.

However, unconscious resolve to find remedies can cause us to make decisions that aren't fully aligned with our true purpose, and that don't fully utilize our talents and abilities, and that cause personal crises during later Saturn cycles.  It's much better to have awareness of how this process is working in us, and to find guidance and assistance to heal the wounds and inhibitions that we have to living truly, and make aware choices.  Then when our unconscious resolve makes its impact, it will be along channels that produce a better result, a better life, our truer expression, and happiness.  At least that is what is hoped for!

Now about Saturn:  during the 28 year Saturn cycle, the planet makes many aspects to our natal planets.  In my opinion, the most significant and impactful aspects that can cause the sense of crisis and restructuring are the following:
Waxing square, opposition, waning square, and conjunction to each of natal Sun, Moon, Ascendant, and chart ruler.  We may also have these during aspects to natal Saturn, but the dynamics will probably be more apparent to others, rather than ourselves.

Times during the Saturn cycle when we may feel some benefit from this planet's aspects are trines (120 degrees) and sextiles (60 degrees) to natal Sun, Moon, Ascendant, and the chart ruler.  While these may not be the happiest times, we may find that establishing routines and structures, making new foundations and rules, is easier and more effective than normal. Promotions at work and in the public sphere may come during these times as well.

I hope this has been instructive for you.  Leave questions and comments, and if you're going through a Saturn difficulty now, perhaps you'd also like to discuss it in the comments.

Blessings,

Richard V

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5 comments:

  1. Hi, Richard-

    A great blog on the joys of Saturn square Sun, thank you! Just to let you know I think you are a wonderful work of art the way you are-and please appreciate every choice and project you have undertaken; success or failure is not the point-as has been said for thousands of years the path and the experience is what matters.

    Per your comments on how Sun square Saturn feels, can really relate as Saturn at 29° Scorpio is opposing my Venus in Taurus-which because I am a Taurus Sun did indeed manifest as a direct hit on self-esteem, on relations with men, on loyalty and trust, values, and a sudden deadening of creative impulse. Think there is an additional kick because the aspect is at the last critical degree of a difficult sign too. At least by this point in my life, I have gotten more objective about the heavy emotional load that comes up with these hard aspects. And affirm that it's my job to love myself and what has come to pass anyway-all shapes, forms, sensations, higher and lower about it. Then the inevitable energy of rebirth can flow along and bring a balm to the anguish of the soul. Merry Christmas!

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  2. Replies
    1. It's nice to think that by tomorrow (Dec 23), Saturn will be moving out of Scorpio and into Sagittarius - a much lighter sign in which to deal with Saturn issues. But uh-oh - now Saturn squares natal Pluto for me at 1 Virgo. I guess this influence has been working on me as well, and contributed to the themes I spoke about in this post. Hopefully, I'll be of a mind to write about it when I'm more than midway through the experience of it...

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  3. Thank you for writing this post. I currently have Saturn transiting my 4th house opposing my natal Sun in the 10th. Feeling very frustrated and sad right now. I've applied to a bunch of jobs and feeling stymied in my efforts.

    Out of curiosity, do you have Scorpio on the cusp of your 4th? Or Uranus or Pluto sitting in your 4th house? I'm asking because of the comment you made about moving a lot and feeling a profound sense of loneliness. I hope your life circumstances continue to improve, as transiting Saturn separates from your Sun.

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  4. Hi Michelle! Sounds like, with Saturn transiting the 4th house and opposed to your Sun, you are questioning and re-evaluating your foundations, and your principles for living. It's a deep psychological process, like dredging a river. And the world helps the process along by presenting us with difficult, unfortunate circumstances.

    While fighting to survive and thrive, it is important to go along with the internal process. Saturn, in its positive sense, represents respect and authority. So use some of these times to reinforce your sense of self and self-respect for the attitudes and experiences and talents that have made your life a success at times. Take time to grieve the tendencies that inhibit you and hold you back from personal fulfillment and realization, and resolve to learn and do what it takes to do better in these areas. Assume an attitude of patience with the slow grind, and take times to celebrate! Just like eclipses and New Moons, the dark period will pass and your life experiences will give you reasons to feel new hope and optimism.

    As for me, I'm shifting into a new place. I'm blogging again, (yay!) and I am, indeed, feeling better and more hopeful. I'm finding new allies to help me in my quest for personal realization.

    Regarding your second question, Scorpio is on the cusp of my third house, and Uranus and Pluto are in the 11th and 12th. I think the loneliness comes from the preponderance of Aquarian planets that I have (4 of them plus Chiron, 4 of these in a stellium), plus the fact that Scorpio has been squaring my chart ruler and the stellium. So many overlays of meaning in the chart! So many corresponding aspects! It's all so interesting to watch and contemplate.

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